Love Economics

The pull of our wanting to still believe in the fantasy our world raised us on (the set of falsehoods that make up the myth of monogamy) is very strong.  But why can't we just make it work somehow?  Surely, not *every* monogamous couple is miserable!  More good news:  The fact is that you can always chose to do whatever you want!  You can try something new or try something again that you'd given up on before.  If you decide you'd like to commit to a monogamous relationship, though, prepare to experience this:    No one will ever meet all of your "needs" and you will never be able to sustain being anyone's one and only everything.  In this way, it will never be like the fairy tales.

The Economics of Time, Energy 
and Love 

As far as time goes, there really are only so many hours in a day.  For me, the goal is to spend my hours doing the thing that is most alive and inspired and "true".  The best thing I can figure to do with time is to never take it for granted and to always support the people I love in using their time to pursue their most alive truth.

Energy and love are different than time or money, though.

People fear that if they let themselves explore the interest or love they feel for a second person, that they are going to be shortchanging their first love.  This is based on a misunderstanding of the nature of love!   Part of the magic of love is that when you spend love, you find yourself getting richer with more love coming back to you.  When your boyfriend or girlfriend invests their love into another person, they, too, will become richer in love and energy to share with you. 

Let's look at Zach, Julia, and Annicka again:

After Zach has spent the weekend with Annicka, and Julia and he are together more again, Zach is acting a little different.  He has some ideas in his head that he is trying to figure out how to put into words so that he can share them with Julia.  She notices the change and asks him "What's up with you, Zach?"

"I...I'm feeling...I don't know.  Its just...well, I think maybe...Are my massages too wimpy??   I'm worried that all this time you've been just telling me you liked them, but that you didn't"

"Really?!  Why would you think that!"

"I started to worry about it this weekend.  Annicka didn't seem into my massage at all on Saturday morning, and when I asked her how it was for her, she said it was ok, but it would be better for her if I'd dig into it some.  Said it felt kind of like I was just petting her"

"Oh!  I'm sorry, Zachy!  Did you try pushing harder, then?

"I did, but I felt like it wasn't enough.  I started to feel really confused, so I decided to take a break and apologized to her.  She was fine about it, of course, but...I was worried about you as much as I was was about her.  It's just been feeling surprisingly important to me.  I'd be so embarrassed if all this time you've been placating me!

"Zach, you must know that I love your massages;  I always have.  And if I start wanting you to use more pressure, I swear to you, I will let you know.  *wink*  But as it is, if you try that on me, I'll probably kick you!  I don't relate to her about this at all.  I think its just one of the ways Annicka and I are different.  I'm so sorry you've been worried about it"  *pinches his butt with a smile*

Zach has been away from her all weekend, but he comes back to Julia with an enlivened desire to understand her.  He's trying to figure out if there is some way that he can express his caring for her more powerfully!