What makes polyamory "tick"?

Honesty and transparency is clearly what makes polyamory “tick”.  

It is the fundamental difference between polyamory and the kind of relationships that we have been brought up in!  

What exactly *is* honesty, then...and what do I mean when I say “transparency”?

Honesty is when someone asks us what is “true” for us, and we answer their question in a pure way.

Like, my husband asks me,  "Are you attracted to him?"
And I say, "Well...yes, kinda!  I don't know if I would like him if I knew him better, but I really like watching him dance and he seems really funny"
 

Transparency is when we speak our truth because we have the sense that the other person might appreciate knowing it.

For instance, "Hey sweetie?  Did you notice me watching that guy who was dancing at the parade?  I didn't get his contact information or anything, but I thought he was pretty fun to watch.  I keep laughing this morning when I remember him" 

Sometimes the word “intimacy” is described:  “Into Me, See”.  I like that description.  Most of us have learned to disguise our truths from others, and even from ourselves.  When we are doing this, we are not practicing honesty/transparency.  Being deceptive in this way limits the degree to which we can experience intimacy.  When we aren’t willing or able to look deeply into ourselves, or when we are hoping to hide parts of our inner experience from our loved ones, we are jamming up the works of “Into Me, See” and sabotaging our own experience of love and closeness.