What does it mean to be "in love"?!

So what does it mean to be "in love"?!  

When you "fall in love" with someone, you are changing.  You are experiencing “new relationship energy” and you are fascinated.  In romantic-love relationships the whirlwind element of sexual chemistry will be involved.  It is like peering through a magical window in your perception;  you will tune into the raging beauty of the entire world around you in a way that you usually aren't able to do.  It is an exhilarating feeling and it compels you to spend more time with this person, and to explore with them.    

And, you imprint, or bond on eachother.  This means that you will always care for that person, even if you take separate paths later on.  Another way that is sometimes said, is that you will always have a piece of them in your heart.  And when they die you will probably feel a great sense of loss.  

As we scratch out the image of Cinderella and the Prince in our minds as how we can hope to experience love, 

what do we have to look forward to?

  

Well, first of all, "Cinderella" was just a fantasy and was never real.  Which kinda sucks, because it was so simple and beautiful and it was so easy to want that experience.  (The movies keep re-writing that simple story because people keep buying it.  It is about money and profits, and it doesn't reflect a universal truth).  Healthy love relationships are all different, just as in the difference between your relationship with your brother and with your best friend.  Most of the time, actually, it may still look very much like Cinderella and her Prince!  You can still have all of the good of that fantasy relationship, but you get to let go of all of the bad things which those two characters will have to endure later on.  Here are some examples of what it can look like to be a polyamorous twenty-something year old (These are fictional examples compiled from the lives of real people who I've known):

Zach lives in an apartment that he built into his mom's attic.  He is into graffiti, is a very talented artist, and has lots of good ideas;  he plays loud music and likes to go to shows and probably smokes too much pot.  He has a couple of girlfriends (Anicka and Julia) who like what they know of each other, but because of their different school and work schedules, they usually don't all hang out together at the same time, and they each really cherish their alone-time with Zach.  Julia and Zach met when they were college freshmen in art-school together;  they have a lot in common and enjoy collaborating with their art.  They have some longer-term visions for creating big projects together and maybe even getting married down the line.  They are not in a rush, though, because they are having so much fun right where they are.  Anicka pops in on Tuesday and/or Thursday evening after class, and when she isn't gone at a festival "hoopin", she sometimes spends much of the weekend with him.  She is very flitty, like a butterfly, and Zach enjoys her delicate playfulness.  There is something unsatisfied about Annicka, and it wouldn't be a surprise to Zach and Julia if she up-and relocated to Europe to join a clown school, or if she decided to give monogamy another go with a new boyfriend who really rocked her world!  Julia understands that Zach and Annicka only have so much time together, so when Annicka is able to come by, Julia usually takes advantage of an opportunity for alone-time or goes grocery shopping with her best friend who she doesn't otherwise see very often these days.

Seth brings in the bowl of popcorn and proffers it with bended knee for his orange-haired queen, his girlfriend Sarah.  She giggles and, as he plops next to her on the couch, she ruffles his curly brown mop of hair.  They are so happy for the weekend, no work for two days and they have plans to watch the entire second series of their favorite TV show.  When Sarah's favorite actor comes into the plot, Seth watches her demeanor change as she moves to the edge of the couch, caring more about the plight of this character than she does the others.  She is beautiful in her passion, yet he teases her about it anyway, because that is fun, too.  Sarah knows Seth is supportive of her open interest in other men, and in a way that she doesn't fully understand yet, he seems to love her even more richly when she shares this stuff with him, than he used to when she tried to shelter him from hurt feelings.  She teases him back that he has a crush on the janitor-character...which is entirely *untrue*...but funny.  He doesn't have anyone else he's interested in right now, and he's not even sure he could love anyone else like he loves Sarah.  Anyway, Sarah is certainly enough woman for him for now!

A proud-looking business-woman strides out of the revolving door and through the marble foyer in her heels and hose.   Ellie's gotten all caught up at work and has some ambitious plans underway.  Considered wise in the  work-place, others often come to her for advice in their relationships.  In her own personal life she is still pretty distraught after her breakup with Andrew three months ago.  She knows she will fall in love again, but she's not interested in some band-aid rebound relationship and she doesn't feel ready for a new man anyway.  She has a friend she flirts with at the office...they've occasionally met outside of work to share a light-hearted sexual fun together.  It isn't anything "serious", but it keeps her sexual appetite fulfilled, without the mess of trying to make another relationship work when her heart is still really throbbing for Andrew and the baby she'd hoped to have with him before they turned 30.  She knows it was for the best that they separate, but it's taking time to let go of the attachments she'd formed to that relationship going a certain way.  She is alone in the elevator as an errant memory of him starts to bring tears to her eyes.  She can't afford to get her makeup all runny in this moment;  as the elevator dings her to floor, she reminds herself that she hasn't called Sam for his counsel since the breakup with Andrew.   Sam was her first love and highschool sweetheart and he understands her on a very intimate level.  He'll probably be delighted to get a call from her and she's been wondering how married life has been treating him.  Ellie isn't just stamping down her feelings because she knows how important it is for her to heal this pain she is carrying around, rather than expecting someone else to fill the void that Andrew seems to have left in her life.